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The Re-Launch: You Don’t Have to be That Way

August 18, 2013

Life by MicheleWelcome to Life by Michele … a blog of my new journey! People have asked me recently why start a blog in a world of many blogs. Well ….

I turned 40 this year. For some people, particularly in the younger crowd, that’s a horrifying number. To the old and the wise, it is a glimpse at younger days. For me, it was an opportunity. I saw it as a milestone, a benchmark, and a turning point. It’s when I decided to re-launch my life.

My life isn’t terrible. It was at that point, by many standards, quite incredible. I had a successful career in television production, I am married to my best friend (a totally awesome dude), we are debt free, just bought a new car, have a good home in a nice neighborhood, and on top of that, I have an adorable puppy to keep me company when I was home between shows. I had it made.

Still, I wasn’t happy. In fact, I was very unhappy. Please don’t mistake this for ungratefulness. I was, and am very thankful for everything in my life. It wasn’t that I wanted more, but that what I was doing, what I had, didn’t fulfill me. I remember February, being on location shooting a show in Texas and thinking, “now what?”

Was that all my life was going to be? If so, why? What was I accomplishing, really? I came to realize that having everything I ever wanted wasn’t actually everything I ever wanted. Funny how things work like that.

In that period of unhappiness, my husband and I would argue a lot. It wasn’t because of anything he did or I did. It was that no matter what either of us did, I simply wasn’t happy.  I was not fulfilled by our accomplishments, our possessions or anything and that led to discontent.

Additionally, I had shot up from a petite size 4/6 to a size 14/16. I am only five foot two and shot up to  180+ pounds. I was fat. I don’t care what anyone says about size, but there is a distinct difference between being a ‘bigger girl’ and being fat. It wasn’t right for my height. It wasn’t healthy. 

I was uncomfortable in my own skin, and more importantly, I was downright un-inspired. For someone with such an excited and well, BIG personality such as myself, un-inspired is simply not an option.

I was nearing the big 4-0 and I realized that something had to be done. A change needed to be made. Several, in fact.

And then I read A Place of Yes by Bethenny Frankel and it hit me. Right upside the head. (Or at least that’s what it seemed like).

I CAN CHANGE EVERYTHING!

I CAN START OVER.

was in control here. It’s my life. If I’m unhappy with something, why stay? Why do it? Only I could get to the root of my problem, lift it from the earth, and toss it into the rubbish pile. No one else is going to do that for me, and nothing was permanent.

So I started planning the new me. Michele 2.0, with the re-launch happening on my 40th birthday.

My husband and I had a long discussion and agreed that it would be best if I left television and focused on my crochet business 100%. That was something that did give me a feeling of purpose, of fulfillment.

At first I was scared. Leave my career? The same career I had spent the last twenty years building? Could I just walk away? Could I walk away from the 20 hour days? Yup. Could I discard traveling for weeks or months at a time? A bit trickier. I do love to travel, but yep. Left that too. Could I really stop catering to the demands of networks, talent and producers? Basically meeting everyone else’s needs but my own. Most definitely.

I was done trying to balance my own business with someone else’s. After the Texas project I had one more show in Miami, and then I was out.

But then what? Of course I had my business, Midwest Crochet, which I am constantly working on and can focus all of my passion and attention.

So I started working out. Eating healthy. I ditched one of my poisons (work); it was time to get rid of the rest. I’m back on track now. I’ve lost 30 pounds already and have 30 to go. I’m down to single digit clothing again (size 8!) and will never relinquish the control I’ve taken back. I feel exhilarated after a workout, and nothing makes my body feel better than clean eating and knowing that I’m taking care of myself. I’m alive again. I’m inspired. 

That is my gift. Inspiration. I truly believe God has called me to be an inspiration to others through my own life. I’ve struggled, and I’ve overcome. I am here to share, but also to discover. I wish to both learn and teach. I want to be an active contributing member of society, to stand up for what’s right, and to be strong for those who cannot be.

For a long time I suppressed this. I didn’t want to appear intimidating, or to portray hubris. I didn’t want to appear as if sharing myself was a display of false humility, of saying ‘look at me and how good I am.’  But then I realized if my intentions are pure of heart, and honest, and good, what do I really have to worry about? And why would I suppress what I believe I am supposed to be doing?

So now, in this next chapter, as Michele 2.0, it’s my time. I started this blog as I embark on my journey to re-start my life, and I continue it in hopes that someone somewhere will be able to take something positive from it.

We live in a world of “140 characters or less” and 6 second videos, and I want more. I want to be more. I want to give more.

My journey begins here; Now; and I invite you to come along. Not just as a spectator, but as a contributor. I hope that my journey encourages and inspires. Feel free to share your re-launch journey below in comments. Do you need to hit the re-start button? You can re-start and relaunch your life any time!

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